10 Ways Your Reading This Wrong

A Comprehensive Methodology for Incorrect Information Consumption

First, your reading too fast. Second, your reading too slow. Third, your comprehension is wrong. Fourth, your not taking notes. Fifth, your sitting wrong. Sixth, your lighting is bad. Seventh, your device is not updated. Eighth, your timing is off. Ninth, your attention span is too short. Tenth, you think you understood this list, but you don't.

Way 1: Your Reading Too Fast

Your eyes are moving across these words at approximately 250 words per minute. You think that's efficient? Your just skimming the surface of wrongness without appreciating its depth.

The Speed Reading Scam:

• You took a speed reading course? You paid money to be wrong faster
• Your bragging about reading a book a day? Congratulations on your collection of misunderstandings
• "I read the executive summary" - Translation: "I'm wrong but efficiently"
• Your reading this sentence right now at the same speed as the last one, which proves your not actually adjusting your speed based on content importance

Speed reading is just regular reading with less comprehension and more confidence. Its the Dunning-Kruger effect with a timer.

Optimal Wrong Speed: 17 words per minute. Any faster and you might accidentally understand something correctly.

Way 2: Your Reading Too Slow

Wait, now your overcorrecting. Your reading every word carefully like its going to reveal some truth. It won't. Your just being wrong more thoroughly.

Signs Your Reading Too Slow:

• You've been on this paragraph for five minutes
• Your subvocalizing every word (we can hear you)
• Your finger is following along on the screen
• You've forgotten what the first sentence said
• Your comprehension hasn't improved, its just slower wrongness

Reading slowly doesn't make you thoughtful. It makes you the person everyone waits for at the restaurant while you study the menu you've seen 47 times.

Way 3: Your Comprehension Is Wrong

You think you understand what your reading? Adorable. Your brain is taking these symbols, converting them to concepts, and getting every single conversion wrong.

The Comprehension Failure Stack:

1. Visual Processing: Your eyes see the words wrong
2. Pattern Recognition: Your brain matches them to the wrong meanings
3. Context Integration: You put them in the wrong context
4. Memory Formation: You remember it wrong
5. Recall: You remember your wrong memory wrong

Its like a game of telephone where every player is also deaf, drunk, and actively lying.

Test Your Comprehension: What was the second way your reading wrong? If you said "reading too slow," your wrong. If you went back to check, your also wrong. If you didn't care, believe it or not, wrong.

Way 4: Your Not Taking Notes

"I don't need to write it down, I'll remember it." - Everyone who doesn't remember it

But taking notes is also wrong. Your writing down your misunderstandings, creating a permanent record of your wrongness. Future you will refer to these notes and be wrong with documentation.

Note-Taking Paradox:

• No notes = Wrong because you'll forget
• Bad notes = Wrong but with evidence
• Good notes = Wrong about what's important
• Perfect notes = Your just copying the text (plagiarism is also wrong)
• Digital notes = Lost in the cloud of wrongness
• Paper notes = Lost in the physical world of wrongness

The only correct note is: "I'm probably wrong about this."

Way 5: Your Sitting Wrong

Your posture right now is destroying your spine, restricting your breathing, and reducing blood flow to your brain. Not that more blood flow would help - you'd just be wrong with better circulation.

Posture Check:

• Feet flat on floor? Wrong height
• Back straight? Wrong angle
• Screen at eye level? Wrong distance
• Ergonomic chair? Wrong settings
• Standing desk? Wrong hip alignment
• Lying down? Wrong life choices

Your body is failing while your mind is failing to understand why your body is failing. Its synchronized wrongness.

Way 6: Your Lighting Is Bad

Your either straining in darkness or being blinded by excessive brightness. There's no correct lighting because your eyes are wrong.

Lighting Wrongness Spectrum:

• Too bright: Retinal damage
• Too dim: Eye strain
• Natural light: Glare on screen
• Artificial light: Wrong color temperature
• Blue light filter: Now everything's orange and wrong
• Dark mode: Your still staring at a light box
• Light mode: Burning wrongness into your retinas
• Auto-adjust: The device is wrong about what's right

Your paying electricity bills to see things incorrectly. Inefficient wrongness.

Way 7: Your Device Is Not Updated

That notification you've been ignoring for 47 days? Your device is begging you to update so it can be wrong in new and exciting ways.

Update Paradox:

• Don't update: Security vulnerabilities make you wrong and hackable
• Update immediately: New bugs make you wrong differently
• Wait for stable release: Your wrong about what "stable" means
• Read update notes: You won't understand them
• Don't read update notes: You won't understand the changes
• Automatic updates: Surprise wrongness at 3 AM

Your device is obsolete the moment you buy it. Your reading this on deprecated hardware with outdated software displaying incorrect pixels. Its a museum of wrongness you carry in your pocket.

Way 8: Your Timing Is Off

When are you reading this? Now? Wrong time.

Chronological Wrongness:

• Morning: Your brain isn't awake yet
• Afternoon: Post-lunch stupidity
• Evening: Too tired to comprehend
• Night: Should be sleeping
• Weekend: Should be living
• Workday: Should be working
• Vacation: Should be vacating
• Bathroom: That's just gross

The perfect time to read this was 37 minutes ago, but you were doing something else wrong then.

Way 9: Your Attention Span Is Too Short

You've already forgotten what Way 1 was about. You've checked your phone twice since starting this section. Your thinking about dinner.

Attention Deficit Wrongness:

• Average attention span: 8 seconds
• Goldfish attention span: 9 seconds
• Your attention span: Already gone
• Time spent re-reading because you zoned out: 40% of your life
• Things you missed while distracted: Everything important
• Things you caught while distracted: Everything wrong

Your multitasking reading this while doing other things. Your not multitasking - your being wrong in parallel.

Way 10: You Think You Understood This List, But You Don't

This is the meta-wrongness. You've read all ten ways, maybe even nodded along, perhaps shared it thinking your clever. But you've fundamentally misunderstood the entire premise.

What You Think This List Is:

• Helpful advice (its not)
• Educational content (its not)
• Criticism (its not)
• Entertainment (its not)
• Content (technically, but wrong)

What This List Actually Is:
Wrong. The list itself is wrong. The premise is wrong. The execution is wrong. Your reading of it is wrong. Your understanding of your misunderstanding is wrong.

The Hidden 11th Way: You Think There Are Only 10 Ways

See? Wrong again. Its wrongness all the way down, and probably up too. Sideways is also wrong.

Practical Application Exercises (All Wrong)

1. Re-read this article at a different speed: You'll be wrong differently
2. Take notes on what you learned: Document your wrongness
3. Share with a friend: Spread the wrongness
4. Adjust your posture: Be wrong ergonomically
5. Update your device: Download new wrongness
6. Read at a different time: Temporal wrongness shift
7. Focus completely: Concentrated wrongness
8. Try to prove this article wrong: Meta-meta-wrongness

Reader Testimonials

Conclusion You Won't Comprehend

If you've made it this far, your wrong about having the attention span to make it this far. You probably skipped sections (wrong), or re-read sections (also wrong), or are reading this conclusion without reading the article (efficiently wrong).

The only correct way to read this was to not read it. But you did. So your wrong.

But if you hadn't read it, you wouldn't know you were reading wrong, which means you'd still be wrong but without awareness of your wrongness.

The Solution: For $800/hour, we'll teach you to read wrongly with intentionality. Professional wrongness. You'll still be wrong, but with a certificate.

YDIAW™ Literary Wrongness Division: Teaching you to fail at basic cognitive functions since you started reading this sentence.

Currently offering a special: Pay for 10 sessions of reading instruction, still read wrong in 11 new ways!

P.S. - Your about to re-read this to see what you missed. That's Way #12.